Some people are quick to tell other people they cant change because they don’t want to believe change is possible themselves. They figure, “if s/he can change, I can change too.” Knowing you can change eliminates a big excuse that people put in front of themselves. If you cant change you never have to try to change, and risk failure.
Other people genuinely believe that changing yourself isn’t possible. They figure you’re born and you get what you get. This is much less negative than the “you cant change so don’t even try” people, but it’s still wrong.
I’m saying definitively that you can change, and that there is plenty of research to back it up. Most research puts the numbers somewhere around 50/40/10. For example Sonja Lyubomirsky, a much respected psychologist, says that potential happiness breaks down like this:
- 50% of your potential happiness is genetics. This is the part you’re stuck with, until someone invents a miracle pill.
- 40% is under your control. Keep in mind though that this swings both ways. Instead of being 40% more happy you can be 40% more depressed.
- 10% is circumstantial. If you wake up late, skip breakfast and miss the important meeting, you’re not going to be quite as cheery as you normally would be.
You don’t have to go around debating every person that thinks change is impossible. Personally, I gave up a long time ago. One of the preconditions to changing yourself for the better is believing that change is possible, and I think it’s something that is very hard to convince people of. Sometimes it’s enough to put the seed in their mind and let it germinate, and hopefully they come to that conclusion by themselves.
The important thing it to know that change is possible, and to not let other people’s opinions make you second guess yourself on this issue.
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