With all that in mind, there is some fascinating research being done on the differences between telling our own stories in the third person versus telling them in the first person.
Just to be clear, the difference we’re talking about here looks like this:
- First Person: I bought some groceries yesterday
- Third Person: Stuart bought some groceries yesterday
This may sound like an inconsequential difference to you, but to your brain, it’s a big difference:
In a 2005 study reported in the journal Psychological Science, researchers at Columbia University measured how student participants reacted to a bad memory, whether an argument or failed exam, when it was recalled in the third person. They tested levels of conscious and unconscious hostility after the recollections, using both standard questionnaires and students’ essays. The investigators found that the third-person scenes were significantly less upsetting, compared with bad memories recalled in the first person.
“What our experiment showed is that this shift in perspective, having this distance from yourself, allows you to relive the experience and focus on why you’re feeling upset,” instead of being immersed in it, said Ethan Kross, the study’s lead author. The emotional content of the memory is still felt, he said, but its sting is blunted as the brain frames its meaning, as it builds the story.
What’s even more interesting though is that recalling a past event in either the first person or the third person can have an effect on your future behavior. For all the shy guys and girls out there who have trouble approaching members of the opposite sex, you should take note of this particular study.
What the researchers did was take two groups of college students who described themselves as having been particularly socially awkward in high school. Half the students were told to recall an embarrassing high school moment in the first person, and the other half were told to recall an embarrassing high school moment in the third person.
The result was that the third person group rated themselves as having changed since high school far more than then first person group did. The effect was the same as the previous bad memory study I told you about; the third person group was able to distance themselves from their previous social misfortunes and better analyze how they had grown as individuals.
Even more impressive, however, is this:
After completing the psychological questionnaires, each study participant spent time in a waiting room with another student, someone the research subject thought was taking part in the study. In fact the person was working for the research team, and secretly recorded the conversation between the pair, if any. This double agent had no idea which study participants had just relived a high school horror [first person], and which had viewed theirs as a movie scene [third person].
The recordings showed that members of the third-person group were much more sociable than the others. “They were more likely to initiate a conversation, after having perceived themselves as more changed,” said Lisa Libby, the lead author and a psychologist at Ohio State University. She added, “We think that feeling you have changed frees you up to behave as if you have; you think, ‘Wow, I’ve really made some progress’ and it gives you some real momentum.”
Dr. Libby and others have found that projecting future actions in the third person may also affect what people later do, as well. In another study, students who pictured themselves voting for president in the 2004 election, from a third-person perspective, were more likely to actually go to the polls than those imagining themselves casting votes in the first person.
How to use this research for personal growth
One of the most important parts of setting goals is measuring progress. If you don’t measure your progress, how will you know if you’ve actually accomplished anything?
Similarly, reflecting on all the lessons you’ve learned in your life can be a great way to demonstrate to yourself just how far you’ve come with your personal growth, and, it turns out, it can also be a great way to positively impact your future behavior.
This research demonstrates that the important thing to remember is that when you’re recalling memories like this, you should be doing it in the third person, so it should be like you’re watching a movie of yourself acting out the memory in your head, rather than actually reliving the moment.
That way, negative past experiences can be turned in to positive future experiences.
Further Reading:
- This Is Your Life (and How You Tell It) by Benedict Carey
- Kross, E., Ayduk, O., Mischel, W. (2005). When Asking “Why” Does Not Hurt. Distinguishing Rumination From Reflective Processing of Negative Emotions. Psychological Science, 16(9), 709-715. DOI: 10.1111/j.1467-9280.2005.01600.x
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"[...] I was particularly interested to read on Improved Lives about the significant difference between a first-person and third-person reflection ..."