This study found that one major aspect of having a harmonious relationship comes down to whether or not the two members of the relationship have similar sleep patterns.
Night owls who are in a relationship with another night owl tend to have a good relationship, as do early risers who are in a relationship with another early riser. Discord is created, however, when a night owl and a early riser are together.
The researchers found that mismatched married couples (a night owl and an early riser) had:
- significantly less marital satisfaction
- more marital conflict
- less time spent in serious conversation
- less time spent in shared activities
- less frequent sex
These are many of the building blocks of a good marriage! I think it’s astonishing that such important aspects of our relationships can be influenced by something as innocuous as when we wake up and go to bed.
Interestingly, the researchers didn’t find any significant differences between two night owls in a relationship and two early risers in a relationship. As long as you’re with someone who shares the same sleep pattern as you, you’re more likely to have a better relationship.
For those in a relationship with someone of an opposite sleep pattern
First of all, there is hope! There are two things that are important to people who find themselves in a relationship with someone who has a different sleep pattern.
- When the researchers compared matched couples to mismatched couples that had a high degree of marital satisfaction, the mismatched couples actually had more flexibility and adaptability than the matched couples did. So mismatched sleep patterns are just one part of a more complex relationship formula.
- Sleep researchers seem to agree that we are not forever stuck as an early riser or as a night owl. If you want to change you can change. It probably wont be easy, but it can be done. The really hard part, however, is figuring out who changes and who stays the same.
For those who are still looking for that perfect someone
Consider adding a similar sleep pattern to the list of things you’re looking for in a significant other. You may end up with a better relationship than you would have had with someone who was your sleep pattern opposite.
Remember too that you don’t have to be either an early riser or a night owl. Don’t label yourself as one or the other and find out later that you’re actually somewhere in the middle.
Further Reading:
- Morning and Night Couples: The Effect of Wake and Sleep Patterns on marital Adjustment by Jeffry H. Larson, D. Russell Crane, and Craig W. Smith
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