Most of us treasure honesty and the trust that it brings, but really, how honest are we?
This post is about Dr. Brad Blanton and his Radical Honesty movement. As an introduction, here’s A.J. Jacobs from Esquire magazine:
Here’s the truth about why I’m writing this article:
I want to fulfill my contract with my boss. I want to avoid getting fired. I want all the attractive women I knew in high school and college to read it. I want them to be amazed and impressed and feel a vague regret over their decision not to have sex with me, and maybe if I get divorced or become a widower, I can have sex with them someday at a reunion. I want Hollywood to buy my article and turn it into a movie, even though they kind of already made the movie ten years ago with Jim Carrey. I want to get congratulatory e-mails and job offers that I can politely decline. Or accept if they’re really good. Then get a generous counteroffer from my boss.
To be totally honest, I was sorry I mentioned this idea to my boss about three seconds after I opened my mouth. Because I knew the article would be a pain in the ass to pull off. Dammit. I should have let my colleague Tom Chiarella write it. But I didn’t want to seem lazy.
What I mentioned to my boss was this: a movement called Radical Honesty.
The movement was founded by a sixty-six-year-old Virginia-based psychotherapist named Brad Blanton. He says everybody would be happier if we just stopped lying. Tell the truth, all the time. This would be radical enough — a world without fibs — but Blanton goes further. He says we should toss out the filters between our brains and our mouths. If you think it, say it. Confess to your boss your secret plans to start your own company. If you’re having fantasies about your wife’s sister, Blanton says to tell your wife and tell her sister. It’s the only path to authentic relationships. It’s the only way to smash through modernity’s soul-deadening alienation. Oversharing? No such thing.
Radical Honesty sounds thrilling and fun in a very radical sort of way, and to a degree it is:
In his book, Blanton talks about the thrill of total candor, the Space Mountain-worthy adrenaline rush you get from breaking taboos. As he writes, “You learn to like the excitement of mild, ongoing risk taking.”
Is Radical Honesty practical though?
It certainly qualifies as personal growth, but to me, personal growth must be practical or it simply isn’t useful. I really love the idea of being honest all the time, of just turning off the filter and letting it all come out. I think though that I would be fired and would alienate all my friends and room mates within a week if I was honest all the time like Blanton describes.
So no, for the average person Radical Honesty doesn’t seem practical.
But there is still a lesson to be learned here
Part of the lesson that Blanton is trying to get across with Radical Honesty is that we have to be more honest with ourselves. We buffer ourselves from the truth when we lie to ourselves but for anyone looking for personal growth the truth is exactly what is needed. Anything less than the truth limits our potential personal growth.
I think that we could all do with a little more honesty in our social lives as well. One of the more useful things you can do to facilitate personal growth is shake up your personal life. When you step out of your routine or take a chance and do something provocative you create new interactions and new opportunities in your life.
For example, Blanton uses his Radical Honesty approach to pick up women, and according to him it works. That may not be a very virtuous application of Radical Honesty but I think it demonstrates its potential quite well.
By being honest to both himself (by acknowledging his desire for companionship and sex) and the women he is approaching he creates opportunities and interactions in his life that did not previously exist.
Lastly, I highly encourage you to go over to the Esquire site and read A.J. Jacobs article on Radical Honesty entititled I Think You’re Fat, it’s well written, informative, and absolutely hilarious.
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I lack the filter between my brain and my mouth. So while my friends are very few and far between, they do say they like knowing that what I say is what I mean.
No more worrying about “Does she really mind watering my plants when I’m gone?” “Is she just being nice by complimenting my cooking?”.
The downfall? Um, like I said, not very many friends.