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When you get right down to it, most methods of achieving personal growth are rooted in common sense. I think common sense tells us that bad relationships can certainly hold us and our personal growth back, but I never really thought ending a bad relationship could actually be a boost to personal growth.

The researchers in this study found that ending poor relationships actually helps to achieve growth, and that there were two variables that greatly influenced that post-breakup personal growth:

1. The Rediscovery of the Self - A relationship, particularly a close one, can leave you co-dependent on the other person. Your identity and sense of self become very intertwined with that other person. In a positive relationship this can lead to positive growth but in a negative relationship it can be destructive and can be a barrier to growth, which is why it’s a lot more useful to end a bad relationship.

   When you end the relationship you rediscover yourself. You rediscover thing about yourself like goals and desires that got put on hold; and you also rediscover your external world by doing things like renewing friendships that had tapered or finding sports, activities, and hobbies that you just hadn’t had time for in your relationship.

   In essence, negative relationships can act like anchors on your growth, holding you back from many of the things in your life that help you to achieve personal growth. By embracing this rediscovery of the self you can increase the growth you experience after ending a bad relationship.

2. Positive Emotions - A sense of relief can often accompany the end of a bad relationship. Bad relationships are also often characterized by a lot of unnecessary stress. Shedding the stress and embracing the relief and freedom and the positive emotions that can come from rediscovery of the self can be fantastic for encouraging personal growth.

   Positive emotions are very much a means of growth in and of themselves and there are a lot of things you can do to encourage them. If you want to look into positive emotions farther, take a look at this post.

So if you’re lucky enough to be in a bad relationship you can achieve some personal growth by getting out of it. Getting into a bad relationship just so you can get out of it might be a little counterproductive though.

Further Reading:
- Addition through subtraction: Growth following the dissolution of a low quality relationship by Gary Lewandowski and Nicole Bizzoco (Unfortunately I couldn’t find this study anywhere in the public domain. If you absolutely must read it, get in touch with me and I’ll see what I can do.)

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